Art of Introduction:

Do you remember the huge contraversy that came from reading 50 Shades of Grey? Yeah, well it took a while before I jumped on the bandwagon. But the way this opened my eyes to a whole new world. One that I wasn't even fully aware of. It may not have been the best way to learn, but it was the introduction of a lifetime. I always knew I was a little different. I always thought that I was wired a little bit different. That it just wasn't normal to like what I liked and I was way too scared to express that.

I thought it was wrong. But I was wrong.

So why not share what I've learned so that those who are new to start have the knowledge to experience this type of lifestyle. I am in no way an expert, just a submissive by heart and soul who has done many, many forms of research to fully understand and practice.

So let's start off with what is kink? What does it stand for?

Kink is an intimate experiene, an exchange of power that can be physical, erotic, sexual, psychological, or spiritual. Which includes BDSM: bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism. It can also include role play, fantasy, fetishes, and sex games.

Now within the lifestyle I've learned that the core values and principles are: consent, negotiation, safety, communication and aftercare.

Now, in my own personal experience: these principles are very important to have a successful dynamic. Which brings me to the vetting process - because meeting a dom or even a sub you want to be sure you're compatible and that your values and goals align.

When getting into the lifestyle - I had no idea what to do, no idea that there was even a vetting process until I ended up doing research. 50 shades introduced me, but it ultimately lead me to a relationship with a fake dom. I wish I had done the research prior to getting into the first dynamic. But I was young and still learning. Still evolving. So I leave you with this. Vet your potential partner, this is such an important and crucial process to start a dynamic such as this.

Talk, learn each other's hard/soft limits, speak about what your experiences are, and the way you prefer aftercare. Because like a sub, a dom needs aftercare too.

Potential Vetting Questions:

What kind of relationship are you looking for/expecting/needing?

Are you looking to play in a scene, or do you want a 24/7 dynamic?

Do you respect others limits and safe words? What is your experience in the kink community and/or kink in general?

Will you commit to talking honestly?

What are your needs, limits, and boundaries? Are there any things that are a complete turn-off, or a trigger?

Research found in: The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino